Office Escape!

A short film I made while at USC.  Black and White and Entertaining:

The Trade-In

A sketch I wrote on a family who takes a page from the Chinese in the Opening Ceremonies in dealing with their “ugly” son.   This sketch was featured in the Improv Olympic show Big News on August 17:

THE TRADE-IN

MARGARET and RONALD sit.  Their teenage son, MITCH enters.

RONALD
Have a seat, son.

MITCH
What did you want to see me about, dad?

Mitch sits.

RONALD
Your mother and I have been worried about you.

MITCH
Is it my grades?

MARGARET
No, it’s not your grades.  You’re actually doing very well.  It’s just that, well how do I put this. . you’re ugly.

MITCH
What?

RONALD
You are an ugly, ugly kid.

Straight Talk on Birthdays

A sketch I wrote on why John McCain is announcing his vice presidential candidate on his birthday.  This is part of a series of videos and sketches I have been working on with Phillip Wilburn.  You can check them out at Funnyordie.com.  This sketch was featured in the Improv Olympic show Big News on August 24:

STRAIGHT TALK ON BIRTHDAYS

“Straight Talk” theme music and title card come up.  Spotlight up on on JOHN MCCAIN addressing the crowd.  Lights not up on the other characters, gathered around a table center stage.

JOHN
On my birthday, August Twenty-Ninth, I’m going to announce who my running mate is.  Now, people come up to me and say, “Hey John McCain, why don’t you do something cool on your birthday, like go to Chuck-E-Cheese?  Why do you have to make a big announcement that day?”  Let me give you the Straight Talk.  See, on my birthday, I’m going to get a year older, and the thing is, I’m already pretty old as it is.  I want to have a distraction because I’m getting tired of people talking about my age.  For example, let’s look at my birthday from last year.

Lights up on CINDY MCCAIN, MEGHAN MCCAIN, JACK MCCAIN, JAMES MCCAIN, BRIDGET MCCAIN and JOE LIEBERMAN around a table.  John walks over and joins them.

Text Bomb

Here is a sketch I wrote regarding Barack Obama text messaging his choice for vice president.  It was the opening sketch to the Improv Olympic Show Big News on August 24:

TEXT BOMB

BILL, APRIL, HARRIET and CHARLIE sit around a table at a bar after a long day of work.

APRIL
Did you guys see the ad that Obama put out about John McCain’s houses?

BILL
McCain doesn’t even know how many houses he has!

CHARLIE
(trying hard to fit in)
Yeah, what a douche.  Obama’s, like, so much better.  He’s totally gonna win.

Lost Episode of “The French Chef”

Did you know that Julia Child was a spy?  Apparently, it’s true.  So here is a sketch of a lost, early episode of “The French Chef.”  This sketch was featured in the Improv Olympic show Big News on August 17:

LOST EPISODE OF “THE FRENCH CHEF”

Over black.

BRITISH VOICE (V.O.)
And now BBC One presents an early, lost episode of The French Chef with Julia Child.

Insert TITLE CARD – THE FRENCH CHEF WITH JULIA CHILD.  Lights up on JULIA CHILD alongside GIUSEPPI, an Italian man tied to a chair.  Julia addresses the audience.

JULIA
Hello.  Welcome to The French Chef. I’m Julia Child. It’s so nice of you to join us today because we’re going to be extracting information from an Italian man I captured the other day named Giuseppi.

GIUSEPPI
I-a not telling you nothing!

JULIA
And we’re going to be doing that with the help of a Raspberry tart in a graham cracker crust.  Because they say the quickest way to sensitive information is through a man’s stomach.

Julia Child takes a tray (all action can be mimed if necessary) over to Giuseppi.

JULIA (CONT.)
These tarts were baked for an hour at four hundred degrees and topped with a dollop of sweet cream that’s just delicious.

GIUSEPPI
Had I known you were American spy, I-a would not have given you my-a mother’s recipe.

She tries to feed Giuseppi the tart, but he won’t open his mouth

JULIA
Now, Giuseppi, if I wanted to find Mussolini, where would I go?

GIUSEPPI
I-a no tell you where he is.

Julia breaks from Giuseppi to address the audience.

JULIA
It seems as though our friend is being a little more uncooperative than I would like, but that’s OK.  When that happens, I like to throw in a little bit of torture.

GIUSEPPI
What?!