Lost Episode of “The French Chef”

Did you know that Julia Child was a spy?  Apparently, it’s true.  So here is a sketch of a lost, early episode of “The French Chef.”  This sketch was featured in the Improv Olympic show Big News on August 17:

LOST EPISODE OF “THE FRENCH CHEF”

Over black.

BRITISH VOICE (V.O.)
And now BBC One presents an early, lost episode of The French Chef with Julia Child.

Insert TITLE CARD – THE FRENCH CHEF WITH JULIA CHILD.  Lights up on JULIA CHILD alongside GIUSEPPI, an Italian man tied to a chair.  Julia addresses the audience.

JULIA
Hello.  Welcome to The French Chef. I’m Julia Child. It’s so nice of you to join us today because we’re going to be extracting information from an Italian man I captured the other day named Giuseppi.

GIUSEPPI
I-a not telling you nothing!

JULIA
And we’re going to be doing that with the help of a Raspberry tart in a graham cracker crust.  Because they say the quickest way to sensitive information is through a man’s stomach.

Julia Child takes a tray (all action can be mimed if necessary) over to Giuseppi.

JULIA (CONT.)
These tarts were baked for an hour at four hundred degrees and topped with a dollop of sweet cream that’s just delicious.

GIUSEPPI
Had I known you were American spy, I-a would not have given you my-a mother’s recipe.

She tries to feed Giuseppi the tart, but he won’t open his mouth

JULIA
Now, Giuseppi, if I wanted to find Mussolini, where would I go?

GIUSEPPI
I-a no tell you where he is.

Julia breaks from Giuseppi to address the audience.

JULIA
It seems as though our friend is being a little more uncooperative than I would like, but that’s OK.  When that happens, I like to throw in a little bit of torture.

GIUSEPPI
What?!

Good Doctor: The Britney Spears Edition

Dr. Phil has been criticized for his involvement in trying to help Britney Spears. Maybe Dr. Phil is an opportunist or maybe he truly cares, but the better question is “Would he help?” Would he be a good doctor for Ms. Spears to visit? So I’ve decided to compile a list of noted doctors. We’ll take a look at how they would treat Britney Spears and whether they would be a Good Doctor or a Bad Doctor.

Dr. Drew Pinsky
Treatment: Bring her into Celebrity Rehab where she can detox and discuss her problems with the guy from Taxi and a couple porn stars.
Analysis: The self-described addictionologist can help wean Britney off her drink of choice – Red Bull, Vodka, and Cherry NyQuil – and get her the medical attention she needs. But more importantly, she can take a look at the has-beens in front of her and improve her self-esteem by repeating to herself, “It’s Britney, bitch.” Would this make her more likely to believe she doesn’t really have a problem comparatively? Maybe. But Dr. Drew can show Britney barely living examples of where she could be if she doesn’t get her life in order. And his experience on Loveline can help her get out of the unhealthy relationship with Adnan Ghalib.
For Britney, GOOD DOCTOR