My Insurance Company and I

A sketch regarding the notion that ObamaCare would ruin the relationship you have between you and your insurance company.  This sketch was featured in the Improv Olympic show Top Story Weekly on August 16, 2009.

MY INSURANCE COMPANY AND I

Spot on RICK as he dials the phone.  SFX: DIAL TONE.  Spot on opposite side of the stage on AUTOMATED OPERATOR as she answers with her soothing mechanical responses.

AUTOMATED OPERATOR
Welcome to the Blue Cross/Blue Shield Help Line.  We’ll be right with you.

RICK
That’s OK, I’ll wait.  I’m just glad we have this chance to chat before the Democrats pass their Socialist Health Care plan and ruin my relationship with my insurance company.  When Glenn Beck was talking about that this week, I nearly soiled myself.  Because the government doesn’t care who I am – you care.

AUTOMATED OPERATOR
Thank you.  For English, press one.  Por Espanol, après numero dos.

Schools Don’t Teach

A sketch with a song parody of Madonna’s “Papa Don’t Preach” centering around Bristol Palin’s pregnancy.

SCHOOLS DON’T TEACH

Lights up on BRISTOL PALIN and SARAH PALIN.

SARAH
Oh, Bristol, you have really screwed things up for me.

BRISTOL
I know, mom.

SARAH
I could be vice president and you have to go and get knocked up.

BRISTOL
I know, mom.

SARAH
What do you have to say for yourself?

Bristol grabs a microphone.  To the tune of Madonna’s “Papa Don’t Preach” –

BRISTOL
(singing)
Mama, I know you’re going to be upset
Cause you’re running for vice president
And you know by now
I’m havin’ a baby.

Straight Talk on Birthdays

A sketch I wrote on why John McCain is announcing his vice presidential candidate on his birthday.  This is part of a series of videos and sketches I have been working on with Phillip Wilburn.  You can check them out at Funnyordie.com.  This sketch was featured in the Improv Olympic show Big News on August 24:

STRAIGHT TALK ON BIRTHDAYS

“Straight Talk” theme music and title card come up.  Spotlight up on on JOHN MCCAIN addressing the crowd.  Lights not up on the other characters, gathered around a table center stage.

JOHN
On my birthday, August Twenty-Ninth, I’m going to announce who my running mate is.  Now, people come up to me and say, “Hey John McCain, why don’t you do something cool on your birthday, like go to Chuck-E-Cheese?  Why do you have to make a big announcement that day?”  Let me give you the Straight Talk.  See, on my birthday, I’m going to get a year older, and the thing is, I’m already pretty old as it is.  I want to have a distraction because I’m getting tired of people talking about my age.  For example, let’s look at my birthday from last year.

Lights up on CINDY MCCAIN, MEGHAN MCCAIN, JACK MCCAIN, JAMES MCCAIN, BRIDGET MCCAIN and JOE LIEBERMAN around a table.  John walks over and joins them.

Text Bomb

Here is a sketch I wrote regarding Barack Obama text messaging his choice for vice president.  It was the opening sketch to the Improv Olympic Show Big News on August 24:

TEXT BOMB

BILL, APRIL, HARRIET and CHARLIE sit around a table at a bar after a long day of work.

APRIL
Did you guys see the ad that Obama put out about John McCain’s houses?

BILL
McCain doesn’t even know how many houses he has!

CHARLIE
(trying hard to fit in)
Yeah, what a douche.  Obama’s, like, so much better.  He’s totally gonna win.