The Trade-In

August 25, 2008

A sketch I wrote on a family who takes a page from the Chinese in the Opening Ceremonies in dealing with their “ugly” son.   This sketch was featured in the Improv Olympic show Big News on August 17:


MARGARET and RONALD sit.  Their teenage son, MITCH enters.

Have a seat, son.

What did you want to see me about, dad?

Mitch sits.

Your mother and I have been worried about you.

Is it my grades?

No, it’s not your grades.  You’re actually doing very well.  It’s just that, well how do I put this. . you’re ugly.


You are an ugly, ugly kid. Read the rest of this entry »


Straight Talk on Birthdays

August 25, 2008

A sketch I wrote on why John McCain is announcing his vice presidential candidate on his birthday.  This is part of a series of videos and sketches I have been working on with Phillip Wilburn.  You can check them out at  This sketch was featured in the Improv Olympic show Big News on August 24:


“Straight Talk” theme music and title card come up.  Spotlight up on on JOHN MCCAIN addressing the crowd.  Lights not up on the other characters, gathered around a table center stage.

On my birthday, August Twenty-Ninth, I’m going to announce who my running mate is.  Now, people come up to me and say, “Hey John McCain, why don’t you do something cool on your birthday, like go to Chuck-E-Cheese?  Why do you have to make a big announcement that day?”  Let me give you the Straight Talk.  See, on my birthday, I’m going to get a year older, and the thing is, I’m already pretty old as it is.  I want to have a distraction because I’m getting tired of people talking about my age.  For example, let’s look at my birthday from last year.

Lights up on CINDY MCCAIN, MEGHAN MCCAIN, JACK MCCAIN, JAMES MCCAIN, BRIDGET MCCAIN and JOE LIEBERMAN around a table.  John walks over and joins them. Read the rest of this entry »

Text Bomb

August 25, 2008

Here is a sketch I wrote regarding Barack Obama text messaging his choice for vice president.  It was the opening sketch to the Improv Olympic Show Big News on August 24:


BILL, APRIL, HARRIET and CHARLIE sit around a table at a bar after a long day of work.

Did you guys see the ad that Obama put out about John McCain’s houses?

McCain doesn’t even know how many houses he has!

(trying hard to fit in)
Yeah, what a douche.  Obama’s, like, so much better.  He’s totally gonna win. Read the rest of this entry »