Like Father, Like Son

August 19, 2009

A sketch on Tom Cruise and his son Connor, who was recently cast in the remake of “Red Dawn.”  This sketch was featured in the Improv Olympic show Top Story Weekly on August 16, 2009.

LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON

Lights up on CONNOR, ADRIANNE, and CHRIS in a scene.  DAN the director, directs them.

DAN
Okay, guys, this was one of the pivotal scenes in the original Red Dawn.  Patrick Swayze’s character, that’s you Chris, really gets in Daryl’s face.  And Jennifer Grey’s character will come in as the sympathetic one.

ADRIANNE
I’m sorry Dan, why do you keep referring to me as Jennifer Grey’s character?  My name’s Adrianne.  My character’s name is Toni. .

DAN
It’s just my process.  Don’t take offense.

ADRIANNE
OK.

DAN
OK, let’s roll one.  Chris, you good?  Adrianne?  OK, good.  Tom Cruise’s adopted son Connor Cruise, you ready?

CONNOR
(ala Tom Cruise)
I’m ready!  Let’s do a take!
Read the rest of this entry »


Schools Don’t Teach

September 9, 2008

A sketch with a song parody of Madonna’s “Papa Don’t Preach” centering around Bristol Palin’s pregnancy.

SCHOOLS DON’T TEACH

Lights up on BRISTOL PALIN and SARAH PALIN.

SARAH
Oh, Bristol, you have really screwed things up for me.

BRISTOL
I know, mom.

SARAH
I could be vice president and you have to go and get knocked up.

BRISTOL
I know, mom.

SARAH
What do you have to say for yourself?

Bristol grabs a microphone.  To the tune of Madonna’s “Papa Don’t Preach” –

BRISTOL
(singing)
Mama, I know you’re going to be upset
Cause you’re running for vice president
And you know by now
I’m havin’ a baby.
Read the rest of this entry »


The Trade-In

August 25, 2008

A sketch I wrote on a family who takes a page from the Chinese in the Opening Ceremonies in dealing with their “ugly” son.   This sketch was featured in the Improv Olympic show Big News on August 17:

THE TRADE-IN

MARGARET and RONALD sit.  Their teenage son, MITCH enters.

RONALD
Have a seat, son.

MITCH
What did you want to see me about, dad?

Mitch sits.

RONALD
Your mother and I have been worried about you.

MITCH
Is it my grades?

MARGARET
No, it’s not your grades.  You’re actually doing very well.  It’s just that, well how do I put this. . you’re ugly.

MITCH
What?

RONALD
You are an ugly, ugly kid. Read the rest of this entry »


Straight Talk on Birthdays

August 25, 2008

A sketch I wrote on why John McCain is announcing his vice presidential candidate on his birthday.  This is part of a series of videos and sketches I have been working on with Phillip Wilburn.  You can check them out at Funnyordie.com.  This sketch was featured in the Improv Olympic show Big News on August 24:

STRAIGHT TALK ON BIRTHDAYS

“Straight Talk” theme music and title card come up.  Spotlight up on on JOHN MCCAIN addressing the crowd.  Lights not up on the other characters, gathered around a table center stage.

JOHN
On my birthday, August Twenty-Ninth, I’m going to announce who my running mate is.  Now, people come up to me and say, “Hey John McCain, why don’t you do something cool on your birthday, like go to Chuck-E-Cheese?  Why do you have to make a big announcement that day?”  Let me give you the Straight Talk.  See, on my birthday, I’m going to get a year older, and the thing is, I’m already pretty old as it is.  I want to have a distraction because I’m getting tired of people talking about my age.  For example, let’s look at my birthday from last year.

Lights up on CINDY MCCAIN, MEGHAN MCCAIN, JACK MCCAIN, JAMES MCCAIN, BRIDGET MCCAIN and JOE LIEBERMAN around a table.  John walks over and joins them. Read the rest of this entry »


Text Bomb

August 25, 2008

Here is a sketch I wrote regarding Barack Obama text messaging his choice for vice president.  It was the opening sketch to the Improv Olympic Show Big News on August 24:

TEXT BOMB

BILL, APRIL, HARRIET and CHARLIE sit around a table at a bar after a long day of work.

APRIL
Did you guys see the ad that Obama put out about John McCain’s houses?

BILL
McCain doesn’t even know how many houses he has!

CHARLIE
(trying hard to fit in)
Yeah, what a douche.  Obama’s, like, so much better.  He’s totally gonna win. Read the rest of this entry »


Lost Episode of “The French Chef”

August 25, 2008

Did you know that Julia Child was a spy?  Apparently, it’s true.  So here is a sketch of a lost, early episode of “The French Chef.”  This sketch was featured in the Improv Olympic show Big News on August 17:

LOST EPISODE OF “THE FRENCH CHEF”

Over black.

BRITISH VOICE (V.O.)
And now BBC One presents an early, lost episode of The French Chef with Julia Child.

Insert TITLE CARD – THE FRENCH CHEF WITH JULIA CHILD.  Lights up on JULIA CHILD alongside GIUSEPPI, an Italian man tied to a chair.  Julia addresses the audience.

JULIA
Hello.  Welcome to The French Chef. I’m Julia Child. It’s so nice of you to join us today because we’re going to be extracting information from an Italian man I captured the other day named Giuseppi.

GIUSEPPI
I-a not telling you nothing!

JULIA
And we’re going to be doing that with the help of a Raspberry tart in a graham cracker crust.  Because they say the quickest way to sensitive information is through a man’s stomach.

Julia Child takes a tray (all action can be mimed if necessary) over to Giuseppi.

JULIA (CONT.)
These tarts were baked for an hour at four hundred degrees and topped with a dollop of sweet cream that’s just delicious.

GIUSEPPI
Had I known you were American spy, I-a would not have given you my-a mother’s recipe.

She tries to feed Giuseppi the tart, but he won’t open his mouth

JULIA
Now, Giuseppi, if I wanted to find Mussolini, where would I go?

GIUSEPPI
I-a no tell you where he is.

Julia breaks from Giuseppi to address the audience.

JULIA
It seems as though our friend is being a little more uncooperative than I would like, but that’s OK.  When that happens, I like to throw in a little bit of torture.

GIUSEPPI
What?! Read the rest of this entry »